The National Trumpet Competition takes place this month, and never mind the fact that I get to share an original piece of music with one of the most experienced and knowledgeable groups I could possibly perform for. The REAL excitement is EXHIBIT TIME!!!!!! I can hear the incredibly tasteful and clever musical intuition from inside the exhibit hall already.
If you're not sure how to test out a trumpet to see if it's good or not, here's a step-by-step process that is GUARANTEED to give you the best results you could ever hope for when trying out a new trumpet (or your money back)!
Step 1: Choose your trumpet. Be sure to choose one that's not like the others. If it looks like a normal, typical trumpet, it's not worth trying out. After all, that fourth valve and those pentagon-shaped valve caps will really improve your tone quality and facility, as well as your sense of musicality.
Step 2: Empty the water key/spit valve. Because heaven forbid all that spit built up in the slides from the trumpet standing idle on a table should prevent you from getting an accurate read on how well the horn executes this next step for you.
Step 3: Attempt to play the highest note you can possibly play. There's no need to warm up or to have any concern for the quality of sound that comes out of the instrument. It also helps if you spread your legs and raise the horn to a vertical plane as you take the world's biggest breath. Be sure to scrunch your face up and squat as you simultaneously pull the horn back to its horizontal plane and press the instrument as hard against your face as possible, all the while forcing all the air you can through the instrument at the same time.
Step 4: Fail. If a note actually comes out somewhat clearly and doesn't sound like someone slaughtering a herd of baby cows, you're not playing high enough or loudly enough. Please repeat step 3 and elevate your standards, because you're clearly not trying hard enough.
Step 5: Blame the trumpet. Remember: it's the horn, not the player. Before you place the instrument down, be sure to pull it away from your face and give it a weird and judgmental look so that everyone around you knows it's the instrument's fault.
Step 6 (bonus step!): Pick a new trumpet and repeat steps 2-5 until you find the right horn for you. Or until you can't feel your lips anymore. Whichever comes first.
I know. What would you do without me? Say no more, I'll be at NTC in a couple weeks and will be happy to sign my autograph on your everything. I'll even sign the first 10 autographs for free!
Happy practicing! (Just kidding - we all know the only way to get better at trumpet is by buying a more expensive horn.)
Marcus Grant
Teacher, Composer, Trumpeter
http://www.msgrantmusic.orghttp://www.facebook.com/msgrantmusic
http://www.soundcloud.com/msgrantmusic
Not a large enough dose of sarcasm for you? No problem. Check out this video: How To Comment On Drum Corps Videos
